“Don’t be afraid to destroy men’s lives over the crimes they chose to commit.” (unknown) Society tells victims to forgive their abusers or attackers and forget the assaults happened. Society tells you to move on and leave the negative emotions you felt during the attacks, behind in the past… But, you do not have too! You are allowed to be angry, to lash out, or be unforgiving as long as you feel you need too. Do not let anybody tell you when to leave the negative feelings behind or when forgive your attacker.
Survivors are told by society to not hate their attackers and to forgive their attackers for harming them. If you do not agree with that, then do not do it! Hate your attacker, scream it to the world if it makes you feel better! Warn all the girls at school, write a letter to the neighbors, call their work and leave a message for them from an unknown number. “You need to move on,” society says. They are right. Move on… when you are ready to. Express your pain how you want too and take as much time to recover as you need to.
You should not silence yourself for an attacker’s comfort! They gave up their comfort when they violated you. They made you uncomfortable and changed your life, possibly forever. Make them uncomfortable, make them guilty, ruin their reputation, and show no mercy. They did not have the respect to get consent from you and they took what was not theirs to take. The person(s) who attacked and assaulted you deserve no rest, forgiveness, or kindness if you do not see fit. How you choose to recover and how you choose to feel about the trauma is 100% up to you and only you. It’s your life, your trauma, your story.
You are victims, survivors, heroes, storytellers… You can be sad or pissed or feel however you want to feel about what happened to you. It only means that you love yourself enough to be upset at the mistreatment you experienced. As a survivor, you have the ability to control how you feel about the situation and how you want to handle your recovery and emotions afterwards. Survivors guilt is a common thing survivors experience after an assault and many survivors blame themselves for the way they were dressed or acted or what they drank before the attacks. They tell themselves that these factors are the reason they were attacked and assaulted. It is not true! It is never the victims fault. A rapist rapes no matter how you are dressed, act, and what you drank.
“Was it really my fault?’ asked the skirt. ‘No, it happened with me too.’ Replied the Burqa.” (unknown) No matter what you wear, how you act, or what you drink, it is never your fault, nor is there anything women, and sometimes men, can do to prevent rape and assaults. The only way to stop rapes and assaults is for people to stop raping and assaulting people!
In conclusion, recover how you want to. If you want to scream in the hallways at school about what happened to you, then you are absolutely allowed to. If you want to cry for a week and then attend group therapy and never cry about it again, that’s fine too. You should feel and act as you want to. It is your story, your fight, your journey through recovery.